Thursday, October 18, 2012

Beyond vulnerability

Ok, not another emo post this time but neither will I amuse you with my current stint with one major broadcaster. Let's  keep it for the next one.

We are 73 days away from the supposedly doomsday predicted by the Mayans. I use this as deadline to achieve as much as possible before the world or the year ends but somehow, the spirit is fluctuating. I'm not as passionate as I was before. Tiada berahi. In denial about this main contradiction, I did lotsa wasteful and useless stuffs like overindulging in food and swinging around.

Yes, it's a quarter life crisis. One huge crisis of confidence. I do not know what's the main issue here. I'm losing interest to connect with people, my energy is draining, moving stagnantly not accelerating at all. People are not drawn in to me, no attraction, the forgettable one. It's not attention I'm seeking for but the thing is I'm not seeking at all, not even the slightest effort. 

I'm thankful to have met many wonderful souls and voices instrumental to hold my filthy views of this madly wonderful world. They are like pillars I couldn't care enough to spend my time to scrub but constantly maneuver me to not to crash but to soar high enough. Material wise, my life is overtly comfortable for 20 something guy living on his own away from home. I should be more grateful instead, I know but human ego always trumps everything else that matter and more often than not we are blinded by how ignorant life could be until we lose all that we have now. 

Self centred thinking, I know. I'm a loner, I know. Raging hormones, I know. Emo, I know. Attention seeker, I know. Psycho, I know. Thousands of self-torturing words to describe my state of being. But I know, I would rather be rich and miserable instead of poor and miserable. Hence the hard work we must do!:))

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

cause we can only hope

My close acquaintances will know that i've been single for the longest time ever (relationship wise). And I don't even bother to discuss or give a good visit into changing the status from single to attached or whatever you call it. It doesn't mean I'm an angel with no lust for love but I strongly believe my love life serves no significance to the rest of the world. The renegade in me will always think that being attached is just too 'mainstream'. I'm the polar opposite of anything conservative. Haha..

Even without that significant other, I've fared quite well in terms of work, study and basically life. I don't feel any less of love, in fact there are aplenty to have and to share, be it with my family, friends and the world. My simplistic view of life and love always being sneered by sarcastic lot but I was just being honest. If it's not for love then I won't be able to achieve and accomplish many things in life.

I remember the last time I was attached to someone whom I called special, I was 19 then. It only lasted for 3 months, therefore it's not worth mentioning much to my annoyance, far from memorable. I couldn't stand the wishful agenda of being overtly romantic hence the reason I asked will things go the same if we go steady? I finally decided to call it off. I was rather thankful than sad. I was finally single by choice and I have learned not to be in a relationship just because you think it's ideal or i feels like a right thing to do. I was able to get my studies back on track and completely relief.

Being single has taught me to be more independent in making judgements and decisions for myself. I've made a pact with myself not to beg or desperately looking for the one for it will eventually come to you the least you expect. At this very moment of writing who would've thought that I'll be once again bitten by the love bug! This person is my greatest muse for the time being, giving me hard time to churn out excuses not going out for date, and the reason that I'm back writing!

Nothing is official for now as we're taking our sweet time to enjoy things the way they are. Or need I say I don't want to break your heart too soon? I've been blessed with a blissful life all this while and thing like this would take extra amount of time before we finally can decide to commit to each other or   take it as a fly by. I have no expectations to say the least, but just a guarantee that I'll always be here whenever you need me, The same rule applies to all.. families, friends, office mates, neighbours etc.. Oh ya, we're still on first name basis.. :)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

tsunami alert aftermath

It feels great to have a mid-week break as it was last Wednesday for the installation of the new Agong. Well, the main news item that day was not that historical event as it was sidelined by the tsunami alert news following the 8.9 earthquake recorded in Acheh around 4.40 pm local time. Tremours were felt at the stretch of the Indian Ocean, the Andaman and of course at our shores as observed in Penang, Perak as well as in the Klang Valley.

I wasn't aware of any signs of tremour as I was sleeping so heavenly in my bedroom during the incident. It's public holiday, mind you! Later, I was informed by some friends that they did noticed of the earthquake and these are apartment-residents friends of mine. This earthquake was later followed by a tsunami alert which was lifted later at night due to no consequential earthquake. God still loves us.. Of course He does..

Earlier that day, I went to Sungai Buloh for lunch appointment with a friend to my ex-boss's house. This is one tender moment when your ex-boss whom you've once respected, scared of, looked up to and learned a lot from is still pretty much fond of you and your relationship transcends beyond office space. I really learnt a lot under her tutelage. She is instrumental in my breakthrough into PR & communications world and assisted me to start at the right footing during my early years in the industry. Even until today, I will always seek for her best advice not just for PR-related stuff but also other things. Thankful for having such a nice, nurturing boss. I have no second thought towards the opportunity to work with her again. Did I tell you that she's also a fantastic cook? Her forte is in traditional Malay cooking and her masak lemak is a complete hands-down! Compliment from a picky-eater like me. But the highlight of the lunch was rendang itik - cooked to perfection with succulent and juicy meat, you can feel the love at each bite! Just be tender..

Went to Puchong, catching up with friends over swimming and the usual makan2 session. I was actually distracted by something earlier and it stills engulfing me at night but at least now I'm all neutral. I think I just need to be more forgiving. Anyways, got to be back at reading important notes. This is just one rare occasion when I feel the need to exercise my numb fingers over keyboard.

Monday, April 9, 2012

pure relief

Finally, a solution to my career at crossroads.. is to quit!

Yeah, I submitted my resignation about a month ago and now officially jobless. Nope, this is not impulsive of mine but a final say after rounds of good mull over and deliberation (mind map included!).

Not in hurry to find myself a new employer since my investment has ripen and God willing, I shall keep the peace in mind at least for a year. It pays to be prudence!

I don't have any plans in mind, just to laze around and do fun stuff. Most importantly to involve in democratic process for the upcoming GE13. Bersih 3.0 is staging another peaceful assembly scheduled on 28 Apr, which is to me a mere nuisance though i strongly believe and support in their cause. I might consider joining but not in KL, Penang maybe.. yes a short excursion up north!

Nevertheless, being the typical restless Jay, I went for job interview last week with a reputed organisation. Whatever impression they had in me, i do not care but i do appreciate their time, to say the least. God and the universe have been magnificently nice to us despite mere mortal in me could be ungrateful at times. Pardon me.

Well, fingers crossed to the future!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

hope comes last

Little did i know i could this delicate & fragile. My emotions running low, being temperance for quite a while. Not a wanderlust could cure this bitterness. I'm just sicked & tired with all the nonsense engulfing this pathetic days of mine. Gosh, can't believe all these come from me!

I can swear & curse like nobody's business. To hell with image & reputation, too much of formalities my life can handle

There's a stumbling block on my journey, a big one. Never ever estimate how far i would go just to end this pain. Call me delusional of grandeur, call me loser, call me lonely cos yes those are all mine. Your jinx & curse that I will allow at all cost, if that makes you happy.

Actions are meant to be taken. Beyond words and sayings. I'm gonna start now, not that i never tried... impulsive? I know..

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

indefinite hiatus

Like seriously? How fast time flies! It has been a year since my last update but am non apologetic since yours truly has never been in a serious commitment with this blog. Haha..

My hands are itchy to splurge on words tonight. Many things had happened throughout my idle being. Winning streaks, broken pencils, reacquainted, love, and all sorts of experiences that comes with life.

I recently switched job after serving for over a year with Malaysia's Number One Integrated Healthcare Provider. Currently employed with Malaysia's Overall Best Employer 2010 - go figure! Am truly blessed with this opportunity which leads to a new set of responsibilities and knowledge. Am excited to see the birth of my new "baby" soon and currently so busy anticipating my project to kicks off!

Am finally saying goodbye to the ever wonderful city of Shah Alam after good 6 years full of learning and adventures. This transition though a tad hard, is deemed as necessary given my new office is located in KL CBD, The Gardens, Mid Valley City that is. Kelana Jaya will be my new base for now and my new home is only a walking distance to KJ's LRT line! It will only cost me RM 2.80 to & fro MV.

With the current high end project I involved in, things are really moving now and there is never a dull moment in the office. Everyday lies a new set of challenges and learning opportunities. Am thankful for everyone who is significant in supporting me to embrace this transition period. You are my catalyst! You know who you are :-)

Everything you know, is just a drop in the ocean - Kak Min
Don't be afraid to screw up, the world is screwed up already - Anonymous boss

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Off-The-Edge June 2010

Yuna Zarai - finally she is featured in a most deserving manner in my most coveted Malaysia-SoPo-lifestyle magazine, Off The Edge, June 2010! Her entrance into the Malaysian art scene was groundbreaking. I remember been introduced to her stuff by my confidante, Nazirah back in 2007 - I was awestruck at the very first sight. The soul she sewn through her lyrics was brilliant, not to mention her sultry, timbre voice is definitely of a different league in comparison to other local female acts.

And what's the fuss with this one-time feature? As an avid reader of Off The Edge, being a true observant of everything SoPo in Malaysia, Off The Edge is a real deal. No other magazines in Malaysia could write sophisticated, bold and cutting edge stories like OTE. It gave me uh-ah moment - sense of enlightenment, true mental orgasm! I spotted Yuna in some sappy magazines - true indication on how sad Malaysian entertainment scene is (I'm sure she's just pleasing those media, but please la). But OTE is a real deal, just like Yuna, A Real Deal!

While some of the fans here were hitched by "Dan Sebenarnya" - a track undeniably easy on ears but the most bland track in her collections (in my opinion), I can simply be proud for following her stuff since day one. I think I can just bear with her even if she doesn't have a studio recorded EP or still being reclusive in her room (that's how she started) recording songs. But a true gem like Yuna deserves better recognition than just gossip magazines. Her existence is more than just serenading the crowds and making handsome cash. She sends a strong message that in the current depressing state of art scene in Malaysia, in the end only true form of self-expression, of its highest honesty will prevail. For once, Malaysian music has its own ambassador.

p/s: image taken from thedgemalaysia website. no copyright infringement intended.