Thursday, October 18, 2012

Beyond vulnerability

Ok, not another emo post this time but neither will I amuse you with my current stint with one major broadcaster. Let's  keep it for the next one.

We are 73 days away from the supposedly doomsday predicted by the Mayans. I use this as deadline to achieve as much as possible before the world or the year ends but somehow, the spirit is fluctuating. I'm not as passionate as I was before. Tiada berahi. In denial about this main contradiction, I did lotsa wasteful and useless stuffs like overindulging in food and swinging around.

Yes, it's a quarter life crisis. One huge crisis of confidence. I do not know what's the main issue here. I'm losing interest to connect with people, my energy is draining, moving stagnantly not accelerating at all. People are not drawn in to me, no attraction, the forgettable one. It's not attention I'm seeking for but the thing is I'm not seeking at all, not even the slightest effort. 

I'm thankful to have met many wonderful souls and voices instrumental to hold my filthy views of this madly wonderful world. They are like pillars I couldn't care enough to spend my time to scrub but constantly maneuver me to not to crash but to soar high enough. Material wise, my life is overtly comfortable for 20 something guy living on his own away from home. I should be more grateful instead, I know but human ego always trumps everything else that matter and more often than not we are blinded by how ignorant life could be until we lose all that we have now. 

Self centred thinking, I know. I'm a loner, I know. Raging hormones, I know. Emo, I know. Attention seeker, I know. Psycho, I know. Thousands of self-torturing words to describe my state of being. But I know, I would rather be rich and miserable instead of poor and miserable. Hence the hard work we must do!:))